That Feeling
by L.S.H
Summary: The tardis doors are open, showing all of space, many shinning stars and glowing planets along with their magnificent moons, usually he'd be admiring it with a smile, but he's found something a lot more interesting. Don't Own DW. 10/Rose and 11/Rose.


That Feeling

"_Do you know like we were saying, about the earth revolving? It's like when you're a kid, the first time they tell you that the world is turning and you just can't quite believe it 'cause everything looks like it's standing still. I can feel it...the turn of the earth. The ground beneath our feet is spinning at a thousand miles an hour. The entire planet is hurtling around the sun at sixty seven thousand miles an hour. And I can feel it. We're falling through space, you and me, clinging to the skin of this tiny little world. And, if we let go..." ~ The Doctor, Rose_

The tardis doors are open, showing all of space, many shinning stars and glowing planets along with their magnificent moons, usually he'd be admiring it with a smile, but he's found something a lot more interesting.

He comes across the book when he's tidying; okay he's never tidied up in any of his eleven lives. He was messing around with the tardis, to be honest. He needs something to do while, Amy and Rory are doing whatever married couples do, maybe playing cards.

He thought the tardis would have erased all that stuff – though he's secretly pleased – when it changed. Obviously not.

When they first met she never seamed to him like the reading. But she always surprised him. And he tries he hardest but the memory washes over him, because he can't help seeing her everywhere, in everyone. Sometimes in Amy or River or even Rory. When Amy is being her bossy self, which is most of the time. Or when River, is pointing a finger at him, lecturing him about saving lives and being less of a warrior, because that was _her_ job.

And looking at that doggy-eared, wearied down copy of pride and prejudice, it's too much and he takes a deep breath not even bothering to try and stop it.

Quiet time in the tardis is rare. But somehow it always manages to worm itself right after they've got back from some near death experience.

He finally got himself out of that space suit and is now giving the tardis some maintenance work. He finds his gaze shifting to where Rose is lying.

She's place herself on the ramp down to the doors, which have been left open, to look at the heart of space. She is leaning against the railing, not even glancing at the magnificent sight before her, too engrossed in her book. Her, hair is tied up in a messy bun and she is wearing what would look like some pyjamas with one of his many shirts over her skimpy top, to protect her from the cold of space.

She looks beautiful. And he can't look away.

He tares his gaze away, concentrating on his work.

After a few minutes he hears a soft thump, it takes him a few seconds to look up, his full concentration on fixing some wiring.

She stands there. Facing away from him, looking out of the open doors, he can see her fingers of both hands just below her shoulders. She's hugging herself, wanting comfort.

"Why?"

Her voice is quiet but clear. He knows what she means, but as always he's afraid to answer the question, they've never talked about this before, at least not vocally. It's new territory. She knows he doesn't the answer, maybe apart of her wants him to lie her to see if it will make it better, easier. But it won't. He knows this first hand.

He abandons his work, walking towards her, hands in his trouser pockets, shirt sleeves rolled up, top button undone, tie loosened.

He's directly behind her, to the side slightly. He doesn't touch her, she needs her space, and she'll make the first move when she's ready. He looks out into space like she is. His eyes find what she's been looking at: a black hole. They're protected by the tardis force field, spectators to an everyday disaster.

Rose is always like this. She's not like him. She can't wake up and go on like nothing happens, she morns the people that are lost, the people who couldn't be saved, the people _she_ couldn't save, nor he. She'll beat herself up about it, cause she is just so human, she will feel guilty and sometimes he will hear her cry at night and he'll hold her and comfort her because she needs that. She will get bad sometimes, when she can't remember names, or when faces get fuzzy. She'll describe them to him to jog her memory, he's okay with that, because it's for her, it's _always_ for her.

But he'll remember. That's the curse of a time lord.

"That's the laws of the universe." It's a terrible answer and he regrets saying it right away, but that's the best he's got.

She turns to him and her face is blank, eyes wet, she is looking at his shoulder, not meeting his eyes, and that scares him more than anything in the universe.

"That's a rubbish answer." He laughs slightly but there is no humour in it, and there is warmth and that counts for something.

And she's stepping closer and he opens his arms and she fits into him, arms squished into his chest as he holds her close, resting his chin on top of her head.

They're like this for a few minutes, and then he says it.

"I don't know."

To everyone The Doctor, is some powerful being, a god even, the on coming storm. He never lets himself be vulnerable like that; showing people he doesn't have the answers because he must always know. But Rose has always managed to break through his walls, without even meaning to.

"I know." _She knows_.

Those words have never sounded so beautiful.

He kisses her head, he can smell her shampoo. And she's sighing and he listens, as always.

"It's not fair, none of it." And she keeps going trying to keep her voice strong, but she feel fragile, but at the same time not because she is the strongest person he's every known. "I remember it sometimes, you know, when the vortex went into my head– and I know I'm not meant to but I–I remember those orange skies and the mountains and the people laughing and god– it's all so real yet a fairytale and it doesn't make sense why someone or thing, would want to hurt something that beautiful, and it's so… sad." And her voice is thick, and he sways her slowly from side to side. "And it is the same for everything else, every planet, every person, everything. Why would you want to waste that, it's being apart of something without realising it, and loosing that would kill you, that beauty and that… feeling."

She sobs.

He doesn't say anything. There's nothing he can say.

"I'm sorry." She says, and she's looking at him with those big brown eyes. He sweeps a stray hair from her face. "That you lost your home, your people, family. I wish… I wish I could get that back for you, that feeling."

He looks at her a long time, scanning her face, still holding her close, looking deep into her eyes again.

"I have that feeling right now."

Her eyes widen slightly, a small smile playing on her lips. "Me to."

He pulls he in again kissing her forehead.

After a long while they, draw apart, not before he says, "Thank you." To which she just smiles.

He gets back to his work, while she sits on her usual seat, reading her book again, the side of her head placed in her hand as she leans on the arm rest.

The two tardis doors are left open, now showing a vast view of stars, dying and being reborn in a heartbeat.

"Doctor!" A loud Scottish female shout interrupts him. He turns to see a tall ginger, dressed in her pyjamas. "Our bedroom is making that weird buzzing noise again so please fix– hey, are you okay?"

He wipes his face realising that it's slightly wet.

"Fine Pond, absolutely fine, just a bit tired. Buzzing again you say, my, that must be the fifth time this month. What have you been doing. No wait don't answer that, I really don't want to know."

Amy rolls her eyes. "Well can you do something about it?"

"Of course, I can solve every problem with my tardis–" Amy raises her eyebrows. "Well almost every problem. Now Pond I'm not perfect." Amy rolls her eyes again, crossing her arms. "Well?'

"Oh right, you go up, I'll be right there."

Amy starts to go up the stairs but turns back. "You sure you're okay."

He smiles slightly at her, nodding and she continues up the stairs.

Once Amy is out of sight, he turns back to the book, stroking it for a few seconds before slipping under his jacket. The tardis hums quietly and he strokes her, smiling.

He's about to go up, to aid the Ponds when he notices he still left the doors open.

Jogging towards them he catches the doors.

However not before giving a sweeping look at the vast dark space, stars scattered everywhere, twinkling at him.

And he can't fight the smile that crosses his face.

Go easy on me I wrote this at three in the morning, the idea had been bouncing around my head all day and my brain won't let me sleep till I wrote it! Some reviews would be great!

L.S.H


End file.
